Chick Flicks and Guy Flicks

What is a Chick Flick? What is a Guy Flick? Guys seem to know intuitively, while women want to argue about it. They are paranoid that this is some kind of put-down on the fairer race. The more competitive the female, the more she resists this characterization in my experience. Whatever. We know the difference, don't we guys?

On the touch panel controlling the system, you can actually now find a button to toggle the Theater from Chick Flick to Guy Flick Mode. The differences are not subtle:

When set to Chick Flick Mode, the theater has been carefully balanced and equalized so that you will hear the soundtrack reproduced as precisely like the director intended as is possible. A huge budget was spent to make this so.

When set to Guy Flick, you have all the same sound as with the Chick Flick, but with an added bonus. The system activates 2 additional 18" Velodyne subwoofers each having over 2000 watts of power. In addition, every seat in the theater has activated an attached Clark Tactile Transducer. These little gems convey a real visceral sense of the action.

Just so you know, the Clark transducers were originally invented to be used in Military simulators, for example tank simulators. They really shake the furniture when low base hits as they are bolted directly to the furniture's wooden frame and have individual 120 watt amps driving them. If Tim Allen was building a Home Theater, he would have to have this Guy Flick button!

Why don't I just always leave it in Guy Flick mode? It just gets to be a bit much when you are watching Driving Miss Daisy or some such episode. If nothing else, it makes it hard for the males in the room to doze off during the chick flicks, and it annoys the women when their poignant moments are so loud as to bounce them out of their seats.

Trust me, you haven't lived until you've experienced this level of bass on a soundtrack like Saving Private Ryan or The Matrix.

A helpful bonus is that the mind is easily fooled into directionalizing the bass. Take the scene in the Matrix where they are on the roof and Neo first discovers he can dodge the bullets. When those slugs go by in slow motion trailing a shock wave, you feel the bass sweep from front to back of theater. It's really a cool effect!

People visiting the theater for the first time are blown away by the sound. They can't believe how much better than the theater it sounds. My advice to would-be theater creators is to first spend the money on getting tons of bass. Bass is really what makes a theater rock. Buy the cheapest subwoofer that you can't afford. You won't be sorry.

What's next? My theater installer was telling me about this company that adds a little gizmo to the legs of the furniture. You queue up a CD ROM in a PC connected to all these gizmos. Their staff has carefully programmed this CD ROM the way foley artists synchronize sound effects to a movie track. At appropriate points in the movie, the furniture (one corner at least) pops up an inch off the floor. It can do this slowly or suddenly. For those familiar with virtual reality rides, a little bit of motion like that can give an incredible sense of reality to scenes where you are flying through space or driving fast in a car. Cool!


All material 2001-2006, Robert W. Warfield.