Chick Flicks & Guy Flicks

Warning: This page is not Politically Correct!

Chick Flick/Guy Flick Criteria

Chick Flick

Guy Flick

Shown in an art film theater Can be seen at any major movie theater and in cable reruns
Has subtitles Probably doesn't have subtitles, not sure about Das Boot
Has an unhappy ending The good guy will win
Stars Meryl Streep or Leonardo DiCaprio. Most Tom Hanks movies go here too. Stars Arnold Schwarzeneggar, Bruce Willis, Clint Eastwood, Tom Cruise, or Sly Stallone
Involves terminal disease, accidental death, or other Acts of God Includes helicopters or chain guns
Very few people get killed, but if anyone does, they will be chosen in the order most to least likeable, with truly unpleasant types surviving for sequels. More than 10 people get killed
Bores guys to tears, Brings women to tears Annoys women causing them to think the movie is stupid, childish, or "trash."
Requires that you choose to like a leading character who you would otherwise consider loathsome if you met them in real life. Requires that you like a leading character that couldn't possibly exist in real life.
Involves the deaths of children. Involves men acting like children.
Involves strong emotions not associated with violence. Involves strong emotions almost always associated with violence.
Involves people doing painful things to themselves for no good reason other than to make us cry. Involves people doing painful things to others for no good reason other than to make us want to see them get killed by the protagonist.
Can be nothing but a love story, but modern films of the genre will show some nudity to keep the men from walking out. Includes a love interest, but only to keep the women from walking out.
Wins Academy Awards, even better would be foreign or art film festival awards. Requires ID to get in, never wins awards.
Involves older actors who can no longer make Guy Flicks. Involves new unknown talents because most of the budget is spent on effects anyway.
Romantic Comedy Slapstick Comedy
Soundtrack is primarily orchestral, Enya, or non-existant. Very few #1 hits should be played, and if they are, they must be slow dance tunes. Soundtrack consists of really loud synthesizer and guitar shredding.
Films that involve dancing, especially ballet or modern dance. Films that heavily emphasize the martial arts.
Angst, Joy, Bliss, Love, Crushing Disappointment Anger, Lust, Greed, Satisfaction(Oh yeah, baby!)
Feelings Firepower
Romantic Decor: Bathrooms with 1000 candles, candelit dinners, forests "Say hello to my l'il frien'"
Clever. Intelligent. Woody Allen. Visceral. Can damage your hearing permanently if played at realistic volume levels
Pretentious. Full of itself. Knuckle dragging. Shamelessly extracting dollars because "No one ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the American public."
Quiche. Red Meat Rare.
French. European. Sensitive. American. This is why George W. is serving 2 terms. It's how we think over here and its why we are the World's Only Superpower--because we are Red Necks and damned proud of it!

Clearly these criteria are not exhaustive, but they should serve you in good stead if you wish to classify a movie as a Chick Flick or Guy Flick. If you still have doubts, consider these examples from each genre. What do they have in common, and how are they different?

Chick Flick

Guy Flick

Ironweed The Matrix: The World's Greatest Guy Flick!
Silkwood Any Schwarzennegar or Stalone film
Contact: One of the few Science Fiction Chick Flicks known to exist. Entrapment and most films involving capers or heists
English Patient: Gruesome for the Guys. Suggest you save this one until you need MAJOR brownie points with your lady. The Firm
Bridges of Madison County: Clint, what were you thinking? You've crossed over to the Dark Side. Predator: Has to be mentioned because it has everything. Nearly as good a Guy Flick as The Matrix.
Schindler's List Under Siege or any Steven Segal movie.
Breakfast at Tiffany's: What girls think is funny Animal House or Up In Smoke: What guys think is funny

Believe it or not, there are some films that are so well split down the middle, that they defy classification. These are invariably great all around films to see with your date. Here are some examples:

Androgynous Flicks

-   The Unforgiven

-   Saving Private Ryan: It's become trendy to take all the war movie sub-genres and remake them into epic Chick Flicks. Tedious, but girls can enjoy them a lot more and the film industry can overcome the fact that they are frequently bankrupt of any inspiration whatsoever.

-   Bladerunner: Here is a movie that has a difficult time finding an audience. I'd call it a Guy Flick for Sensitive Guys. I must be one, because it's one of my favorites.

-   The Talented Mr. Ripley. A Chick Flick for Action Oriented Females?

All material 2001-2006, Robert W. Warfield.